Why Facing my Fears Wasn’t Working — As An HSP

I’ve been steeped in the self-development world for most of my life. I was the 9 year old kid watching Oprah after school and reading books on nutrition and the art of organizing by the age of 12.

Self-help was an escape from a chaotic and depressing home life. It served me well and helped me heal deep trauma, encouraged me to have faith in a higher power and set me on a path of a healthier and happier life. 

Self-Proclaimed Self-Help Junkie

Self-help saved me from going down a dark path but it also became my addiction. A great one to have compared to other options out there, but still an addiction.

I would turn to a book, speaker, podcast, or any self-development guru I resonated with at the time, whenever I needed to feel better. I didn’t have a sense of self and it felt safer to turn to the “experts” for answers.

Naturally, I heard the same messages over and over and believed if I acted accordingly, I would create the life I wanted. The message was to “face my fears”. If I didn’t, I’d stay stuck and miserable forever. 

This belief became a destructive pattern I wasn’t aware of for many years. I’d often be in situations that felt scary, overwhelming, and made me feel inadequate.

Unsafe friendships, romantic relationships, work dynamics, chaotic home environments, unhealthy schedules and habits. Situations that damaged my self-esteem and left me feeling drained and insecure.

Instead of assessing the situation to see if it was safe and healthy, I believed I was the problem. My fear and discomfort was the problem I believed needed to be fixed in order to attract better experiences. 

Eventually I hit another rock bottom, an experience I was very familiar with. I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition, couldn’t pay my rent for several months, and was having panic attacks.

I’d been studying the success gurus for years and had heard all the strategies. Why was I still stuck?

A New Perspective

At some point along my journey I heard the term HSP, the highly sensitive person trait. A genetic trait that describes a sensory processing sensitivity.

I was experiencing the symptoms daily — easily overwhelmed by sensory input,  lights, sounds, smells. Hyper aware of other people’s moods and subtle changes in the environment, sensitive to pain and physical sensory input, and a deep need to recharge for long periods of time after stressful or social experiences.

It felt like I was unable to cope with normal everyday experiences the way others were. The irony was these traits were the same ones I believed needed to be fixed.

I felt I had no other option so I started to make new decisions that honored me. If I didn’t feel comfortable around a group of people, I didn’t force myself to engage.

I found a job that allowed me to feel relaxed throughout the day while having minimal social engagement. I started to adopt the self help strategies that felt safe for my nervous system and those I felt inspired to take.

When I deeply honored my need to feel safe, loved, comfortable and prepared for the situations I put myself in, I began to relax and thrive.

I started setting healthy boundaries. I began to hear my intuition leading me to a more aligned path.

I could sense that God wanted me to feel safe and loved and I began to create the things I desired in my life in a way that felt supportive to me.

You Deserve to Feel Safe

My passion for self-development was partly a coping mechanism for the overwhelming experience I was having as a highly sensitive woman.

The answer wasn’t to disregard my experience and listen to the experts. It wasn’t always in my best interest to face my fears when things felt scary and overwhelming.

I am still committed to self-development but I now trust myself to take a leap of faith and follow a piece of advice when I’m prepared to do so, in a healthy environment, when I know it’s an aligned action for me to take.

The incredible thing about being an HSP is the deep connection we have with ourselves, our environment and the divine.

When we honor who we are and listen to what we need, miracles happen and our life begins to take shape in the form of our authentic desires. 

If you’d like to read about why mainstream success strategies may not be working for you, read this article.

Or If you’d like more personal support around tapping into your intuition and discovering your aligned path to your desires, reach out to me at www.rachellynne.com.